


What the Hell is wrong with this city!?

by Emma_with_her_head_in_the_clouds



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Crazy Gotham City, Gen, Gotham City is Terrible, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Outsider
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 15:35:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29298249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emma_with_her_head_in_the_clouds/pseuds/Emma_with_her_head_in_the_clouds
Summary: "So what on Earth brought you to Gotham?""A series of poor life choices...""Well, yeah. No one ends up here because of good life choices."Hannah is about to discover just how much of a poor life choice moving to Gotham really was. Through a series of untoward incidents, she'll find herself meeting the colony of vigilantes who call the hellholetheircity.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	What the Hell is wrong with this city!?

**Author's Note:**

> So I've had this idea for a while and wasn't going to write it. But after a discussion on Discord, I thought I'd give it a go. I might edit this chapter later when I work on the subsequent ones. Let me know what you think!
> 
> Also trigger warning for the first chapter- reference to non-con (nothing actually happens, but thought I should warn anyway).

Hannah stood in the entrance to Wayne Enterprises, trying to find a map. A security guard had shoved her new ID badge at her and mumbled about "go see HR", before moving onto something else and completely blanking her. That would be fine, if she knew where in the massive building HR was. She stood by the lift, looking around. She decided she'd have to try asking one of the people bustling past.

"Excuse me," she called out to the next person she saw. He seemed to jerk slightly, as if surprised, but vaguely turned round towards her. Hannah forgot her question for a second, as she was surprised by how young the guy was. Couldn't be more than a teen. (A teen in a very fancy looking suit). Maybe an intern? He glanced at her, as if he was wondering why she'd stopped him.

"Sorry, do you know where the HR department is?"

"Sixteenth floor," he mumbled, before returning to staring into his coffee like he was thinking of drowning himself in it ( _hopefully not an omen of what working for the company did to its employees_ ). She was going to thank him, but he was already gone.

After a rather dull induction, Hannah was shown to her desk. Almost immediately, a small crowd of heads were peeping round her cubicle.

"Hello?" she asked. A look of confusion crossed the face of the nearest woman.

"I thought you were going to be British?"

"I am British?"

"Then what's that accent?"

"This is my normal accent. You were expecting me to either Cockney or Queen's English weren't you?" The look on their faces said yes.

"So what on Earth brought you to Gotham?" one of the others asked.

"A series of poor life choices..."

"Well, yeah. No one ends up here because of good life choices." _Well, that's ominous..._

At lunchtime, they dragged the story out of her.

"So I moved to Chicago to be with my ex. He works for Muller Tech and got me a job there. It wasn't nepotism! I was qualified! But anyway yeah, I thought I had an exciting new life in a new country with my new job and my fantastic boyfriend. Except he wasn't fantastic. He was a massive twat. And he was banging a whole load of other women. So now I was stuck in a city where I knew no one but my ex, who happened to be my boss. And worse, I couldn't even leave because I'd signed a contract with the company."

"So what happened?"

"Luckily one of the other higher-ups took pity on me. I mean, I think she thinks I'm a foolish idiot, but she also thinks he's a twat and wanted to help me get away from him. She pointed out that Muller Tech is a subsidiary of Wayne Enterprises, so I could transfer here without breaking my contract. So I was able to take this job. But they wanted someone to start straight away. That was Friday. So this weekend I was packing up my life again (not that I'd properly unpacked), moving across the country, and here I am."

"So you didn't research Gotham before you came?"

"I didn't really have time. Why, is there something I should know?"

"I'm sure you'll find out..." _I don't like the look on their faces at that comment..._

"What the hell is wrong with this city!?" Hannah asked the next day.

"Why, what happened!?"

"Well, last night I went out to get food, when suddenly this guy came out of nowhere, grabbing my handbag and trying to pull it off me away into an alley."

"You got mugged? Are you ok?"

"Well, I was just about to give up and let him have it, when another dude seemed to fall from the sky and started beating the shit out the first guy."

"Ooh, which one was it?"

"What? That's pretty much the same question the emergency services person said when I called, albeit they sounded a lot more bored."

"Which Bat?"

"Which what?"

"You weren't kidding when you said you'd hadn't researched, were you? The Bats are the vigilantes who watch over Gotham."

"Vigilantes?"

"Oh yes, we're big into vigilante justice. So which one saved you?"

"How would I know?"

"What did they look like?"

"I don't know, it was dark. They had a helmet on, and I think a leather jacket maybe?"

"Ooh, Red Hood. He's hot..."

"How do you know he's hot?" one of the others asked. "Have you seen his face?"

"No, but he's like built, isn't he? And I just bet he's got a hot face under that helmet."

"I reckon he wears the helmet because he's horribly disfigured."

"Maybe he has a big dramatic scar down his face?"

"So this guys a public figure, and not just a nutcase?" Hannah asked.

"Well, arguably he's both. There was rumours about a bag full of heads, but I'm not sure if that's true..."

"What!? So when the emergency services person asked whether the mugger was dead, they weren't joking!?"

"Hood doesn't kill people anymore. Much."

"Anymore!?"

"Oh, calm down. You'll get used to it. You've lost your Bat-viginity!"

"I've nearly completed the bingo card!" The tallest of the women exclaimed (Hannah really needed to learn her new colleagues' names). "Of the current line-up, I just need blonde Batgirl and psycho sword Robin."

"So you guys seriously keep track of which vigilantes you've come across?"

"Trust me, if you're staying in Gotham, you'll be coming across them often enough."

It was just a week later when Hannah next met another of Gotham's vigilantes.

"This city is fricking insane!"

"We warned you!"

"Did you though?"

"What happened? We want the gos!"

"So on Saturday night I was having a walk down by the river."

"First mistake..."

"The river's in a bad area?"

"The whole city is a bad area. There's no good areas, just bad areas and worse areas. I meant going for a walk outside was a bad idea."

"I can't stay inside all the time!"

"That wouldn't necessarily keep you safe anyway..."

"Stop interrupting! I want to hear this story! Hannah, please continue."

"...So I was walking by the river, when all of a sudden this guy started squirting this... stuff... all over me."

"Oh, ew!"

"Oh! No like that! Dirty mind! No, from some kind of pump."

"Ice?"

"No, it was liquid. I thought it might be acid or some shit, so I jumped into the river to try and wash it off. But then this other guy jumped in after me and started trying to grab me. So obviously I started hitting him, trying to get away, and screaming. Well, I might have been already screaming. But anyway, that was when the guy pulled a needle out of like nowhere and stabbed me in the neck with it. He pulled me out of the river, and I was trying to fight him off, but he wasn't letting go. Not until I started shouting about how he was going to rape me. He backed off slightly then. But he wasn't going to let me get away. He was speaking in this proper patronising tone, which was rich, going on about some "fear toxin"."

"You got hit by fear toxin?"

"As it turned out, apparently not. Eventually we managed to establish that for some reason he thought I'd been hit by this "fear toxin" with all the screaming and jumping into the river, when what I had been squirted with was apparently ketchup. Ketchup! What the heck? What is this city, where nutcases run around squirting people with ketchup?"

"That's just Condiment King. You've not even met a proper B list rogue yet!"

"There's more?"

"There's a hell of a lot more. We told you, Gotham is a city like no other."

"I'm getting the feeling moving here was a mistake..."

"It was definitely a mistake! But look on the bright side, you met another Bat! Did he introduce himself?"

"I think he said he was called Nightwing or something...?"

"Nightwing! Now he's a Bat where there's no doubt about his attractiveness! Did you see his butt?"

"No?"

"Pity. You should check it out next time."

Hannah didn't even bother arguing about the "next time" comment. She was getting the feeling in this crazy hellhole of a city, it wouldn't be the last time she would meet its night-time protectors.


End file.
